Life inevitably includes pain. Although this is a universal truth, most of us learn this lesson over time through personal experiences during the course of our life. Some later than sooner, as we will do almost anything to avoid pain.

What we may not realize is how much our thoughts—particularly the toxic ones—shape not just our experience of pain but how deeply it roots itself in our lives. Pain, when approached with courage and awareness, can be a doorway to transformation and growth. If left to the devices of toxicity, pain festers and mutates into suffering.

As human beings, our instinct is to avoid pain. But avoidance doesn’t eliminate it. In fact, it often amplifies it. This is because when we feel our emotions, we cannot filter out the uncomfortable ones and only experience the ones we want or that are more desirable. When we feel or experience emotions, we are susceptible to the whole spectrum.

Pain is part of the intricate dance of being alive. For example, our love for others leaves us vulnerable to despair of loss. After all, everything on this planet—people, animals, plants, and even stones—will eventually break down and return to the Earth. Bodies are temporary vessels and vulnerable to decay, injury, and illness. So, losing someone you love is a natural cause for grief. This is simply a reality of being human.

Much like navigating these tumultuous times where we see influx politically, economically, and even climate-wise. We are dealing with a lot of turbulence which can be very exhausting. So, we need to turn to different ways of thinking and being in order to weather these storms.

The truth is simply that pain is unavoidable, BUT suffering is optional.

The Role of Toxic Thoughts

Pain morphs into suffering when we allow our toxic thoughts to take over. Our toxic thoughts are like seeds; when nurtured, they can grow into overwhelming emotions—resentment, blame, or even despair—that color our entire world through these clouded lenses. Toxic thoughts can amplify our pain, distort our reality, and embed themselves into our behaviors. Turning what could simply be discomfort, a potential precursor of growth, into a cycle that keeps us stuck in a state of suffering. Toxic thinking quietly erodes our ability to connect with ourselves and others, often without us even realizing it.

If we fixate on the negativity surrounding pain—why it happened, who’s to blame, or how unfair it feels—it creates a cycle of suffering that feeds upon itself. Instead, if we turn our focus toward understanding, learning, and growth, we can transform pain into a catalyst for possibility. Imagine that! Moving from Pain to Possibilities™…even under all the factors and circumstances we are currently facing? YES, it’s possible!

Physical vs. Emotional Pain

Physical pain is immediate and unmistakable to identify. To do something about it we are not even shy to seek support or guidance if necessary. Whereas emotional pain is subtle, more complex, and even sneaky. Toxic thinking often masks itself as irritability, withdrawal, or even as a disingenuous smile that buries the turmoil deep beneath the surface. Think of unaddressed emotional pain as a splinter beneath your skin. It may seem small and insignificant, but left unattended, over time it can fester and become infected, leading to larger issues. Sometimes even life-threatening.

People often mistake avoidance for control. Avoidance can feel like control, but that is an illusion. When you deny pain, it doesn’t disappear; it simply hides in the shadows, lurking and waiting to be triggered by seemingly innocent events. Toxic thoughts can feed off avoidance, growing stronger and more powerful the longer they go unchallenged. When leading with avoidance, toxic thinking seeps into our interactions, relationships, and self-perception. It’s only when we confront pain—naming it, sitting with it, and exploring its roots—that we can break free from the suffering it causes.

Choosing to Transform Pain

The choice to face pain isn’t easy, but it’s essential. We must learn to hold a mirror up to ourselves and face what hurts, because this becomes the birthplace of courage and possibility. Facing the pain without judgment to better understand it, enables you to harness the energy to move forward, even against the toxic thoughts that try to hijack your new potential narrative, no matter whether their influencing source is external or internal.

Pain to Possibilities™, emphasizes the importance of leaning into pain to uncover potential and growth. The anticipation of pain—the “what-ifs” and fears surrounding our worry and avoidance of it—is often more paralyzing than the actual pain itself, once understood. By acknowledging pain as part of life’s fullness, we open the door to resilience, empathy, and strength.

Instead of asking, why me? Or how can I make this stop? Focus and ask, what can I learn from this? Or how can this painful opportunity open the doors to deepen my connection to others? These generative questions create a shift in our focus from the problem to the possibilities.

A Path Forward: From Suffering to Growth

We can’t eliminate pain, but we can change how we engage with it. Will you continue to allow toxic thoughts to turn your pain into suffering, or are you ready to face it with courage and curiosity?

Pain, when embraced as part of the human experience, becomes an opportunity to deepen our understanding of ourselves and the world around us, no matter what our current circumstances are politically or economically.

By facing pain head-on, we discover that life is not about avoiding discomfort but about living fully—even through the hard moments. And as we lean into this truth, we find that pain, like all things, is a process for transformation. In every scar, there are embedded lessons, resilience, and a deeper capacity for love and joy.

When we choose to stop avoiding pain, and explore its roots, and rise beyond the toxic thinking, we are actively choosing growth. We are choosing connection, our natural human instinct. And ultimately, we choose to live life unapologetically human.

Written by Sajel Bellon and reprinted with permission.

Sajel is a globally recognized as a #Humanizer, Psychotherapist, and champion of high-quality human LIFE experiences. With a deep passion for the behavioral neurosciences and a knack for making the tough stuff not just palatable, but transformative, Sajel has become a respected authority in high-pressure sectors like public safety, emergency services, first responders, military, healthcare, education and even the intense world of professional sports.

Get more of Sajel’s insights from her Pain to Possibilities™ Substack.